Aysha Vs Technology

Good news everyone! Emma went through my previous posts and made my spelling and grammar less horrible! Isn’t she wonderful? I think everyone should say thank you to Emma, right now, aloud. Whether you’re at home, in a library, or stealing internet from McDonalds, let’s have a big thank you for Emma. I can’t think of a good segue to transition from thanking Emma to my next post, so I’ll let you mentally insert one. I could say that this way I’m keeping the readers involved in the post, but really, I’m just being lazy.

A while ago, Emma and I went through a phase when we were convinced that our phones were out to get us. I don’t know how this came about, but for a while we were paranoid that our phones were sending embarrassing texts to people without us knowing, or that they would re-write out texts when we sent them. For example, if I wanted to text Emma saying “Hey, want to catch up for coffee later?” my phone would instead send it as “Hey, I want to throw scalding coffee over you later, because I hate you”. However, we never had any evidence that our phones were against us and so this obsession was soon forgotten. Until, just recently, when I got my new phone.

"They seem to be distracted..." "Quick, send horrible texts to their closest friends, GO GO GO!" Note: We actually own the silly hats pictured. Note Note: We really do get distracted by them. They are awesome.

Due to me being horrible with new technology, I hadn’t upgraded my phone for roughly three years. My old phone had been so faithful, but when I finished school and got a job, I figured it was time for my phone to retire and for me to get a shiny new replacement. It seemed like a great phone. Purple (my favourite colour), slim, just the right size to fit into my wallet, and relatively simple to use. It wasn't until one night when I went to text Emma that I realised something was up.

The text I intended to send was “Hey Emma, I finish work at nine on Tuesday. Want to catch up?”

When I reread the text however, my phone had changed it to “Hey Emma, I finish work at nine on Uterus. Want to catch up?”

I found this both disturbing and amusing. But no fear of my phone being against me was aroused. A few days later, I tried to send a message to another friend, signing off with this:

“…Anyway, I’m really tired. So I’m going to head to bed. Goodnight. Sweet dreams.”

My phone decided the text would be improved if I said:
“…Anyway, I’m really tired. So I’m going to head to bed. Goodnight. Sweet erections.”

I was less amused, and more disturbed. Erections? What? No! I didn't want to wish my friend sweet erections! I told Emma. We were both very disturbed, although we had to admit the idea of wishing someone sweet erections was quite funny.
“Have a nice erection!”
“Sweet erections!”
“May all you’re erections come true!”
Imagine how messed up Disney movies would be if they replaced “dream” with “erection” .

I was slightly more paranoid about my phone at this stage, but I was finally pushed over the edge when this happened.

Intended message: “I finish my shift at seven, so I’ll come over then.”
Message my phone wanted: “I finish my shift at seven, so I’ll come over UBERSEXUAL.”

….

WHAT! That…It just…NO! It doesn't even work! At least things like erection and dream, and uterus and Tuesday made a scrap of sense. You use a few of the same keys when beginning those words, so to some extent I could accept that. But “then” and “ubersexual” DOES NOT WORK!
Is ubersexual even a word? According to Microsoft word and the squiggle of shame, it isn’t. After telling Emma this, our paranoia returned. We’re still unsure if Emma’s phone is against her or not. But we have good reasons to believe that my new phone just likes to cause trouble. First it has a GPS that tells me to turn left when I’m on a bridge and to my left, there is a drop to my death. Now my phone is trying to make me sound like a sex crazed maniac.
What does technology have against me?

PS. Sorry I didn't give you many pictures in this post. Didn't really think it was appropriate to draw Ubersexual Uterus Erections.